5 of 91

On digg.com I found a link to a list of the 91 Reasons to Hate Revenge of the Sith that I finally finished going through. I decided, rather than expecting everyone to get through all of them, I would post my five favorite reasons (i.e. the ones that made me laugh raucously). Here they are:


Reason #67
Yoda & Obi-Wan's Plan
Yoda decides that he and Obi-Wan must split up, because any good plan usually begins with splitting up. Yoda will take care of Palpatine, and Obi-Wan will kill Anakin. Obi-Wan disagrees with this plan, because he doesn't think he can kill Anakin, being that they are so close. It is unclear why, seeing that Anakin is so far away, they don't both attack Palpatine together, then go for Anakin together as well. It's especially puzzling since every single battle the Jedi have had with the Sith have been two-on-one affairs: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan versus Darth Maul, Obi-Wan and Anakin versus Count Dooku, Obi-Wan and Anakin versus Count Dooku again. I worry about the collective wisdom of Obi-Wan and Yoda if they choose now to finally level the playing field and have a fair one-on-one fight.

Reason #68
"You and I Can Rule the Galaxy"
It is more than clear that Anakin has flipped his lid when he declares that he can become powerful and overthrow the Chancellor and then he and Padme can rule the galaxy together. He tells her that, when they rule the galaxy, they can make things the way that they want them to be. The true treachery of the Sith is shown in this scene where Anakin is plotting to kill his master after being his apprentice for less than five hours. This is why the believability of the Sith ever having a master/apprentice relationship is difficult to grasp. Anakin's desire to have a "kickass husband-and-wife team" rule the galaxy is also pretty thin. Anakin only stops short of going into specifics: "You've got great fashion sense, so you could design all the different uniforms for our soldiers and I could lead them into battle. Think of how great they'll look when they're eliminating an entire planet for not agreeing with your interior design schemes!"

Reason #22
Romance
The scene on the balcony degenerates into a lovey-dovey kissy-wissy wittle wuvvy woo sequence rather quickly. In the middle of discussing the different outfits Padme wants to buy at the Coruscant Baby Gap, Anakin interrupts her to say "You... are so... beautiful." Perhaps he's just trying to get her to stop talking about baby things. In that case, men everywhere should consider themselves Padawans to Anakin.

Unfortunately, this scene gets much, much worse. Here are the lines as they follow accompanied by ratings:

1.) Anakin tells her, "You... are so... beautiful."

Cringe Factor: 5 out of 10

2.) Padme responds with: "It's only because I'm so in love."

Cringe Factor: 7 out of 10

3.) Anakin then laughs and says, "No, it's because I'm so in love with you."

Cringe Factor: 5 out of 10

4.) Padme (joking): "So love has blinded you?"

Cringe Factor: 7 out of 10
Confusion Factor: 7 out of 10

5.) Anakin (laughing): "Well that's not exactly what I meant."

Cringe Factor: 6 out of 10
Confusion Factor: 8 out of 10

6.) Padme: "It's probably true."

Cringe Factor: 4 out of 10
Confusion Factor: 10 out of 10

Padme's reactions to Anakin become increasingly confusing and exponentially more creepy every time she responds to one of his lovey-dovey statements. Her crazy eyes and rigid smile quickly derail Anakin as being the creepier of the two in this particular love affair.

Reason #30
The Prophecy
On a dangerous trip through Coruscant -- Yoda, Mace Windu and Obi-Wan are sitting in a speeder with no sides that they could clearly fall out of -- Obi-Wan talks about how Anakin is the chosen one spoken of in the prophecy. Yoda then says "a prophecy that misread could have been." Mace Windu -- who is supposed to be the second wisest Jedi, right? -- then nods at Yoda. He doesn't say anything, he just widens his eyes and gives a stupid head nod. It is hard to explain Mace's reaction, but I think the verbal equivalent would have been if Mace Windu actually said "Pfft. Tell me about it."

Reason #73
The Properties of Lava (Sweat? Battle + Lava = No sweat)
This battle ends up with Anakin and Obi-Wan riding hover-platforms mere feet over a lava flow. Now, I'm all for fantastic fantasy elements in movies (particularly Star Wars movies), but suspending disbelief at this point is beyond difficult. Given that lava is generally around 2000 degrees Fahrenheit (1093 degrees Celsius), I find it difficult to believe that Anakin and Obi-Wan not only have no problems battling without bursting into flames, but that they don't even break a sweat! You would think that the stress and exertion of combat alone would cause at least a few beads of sweat to form on their brows. Of course, the mysteries of the Force always allow for apologist excuses in any case. They were most likely using the secret Force climate-control technique to keep cool.


I love the one about the Force climate-control technique because whenever there is something stupid that happens I always blame it on an unexplained Force power that the Jedi have access to. For example, Palpatine consistently changes his face from nice-old-man face to gross-wrinkly-pale face whenever he wears his hooded cloak of evil. Then in ROTS it appears that Mace Windu causes this deformity of the face by deflecting the Force lightning. But he definitely had that facial problem before, right? So I say that he just used the force to hide is secret visage of evil, and when Windu deflected the lightning he just let it turn that way so Anakin would feel bad for him. Kind of like a glamour spell to change your appearance, but Force style.

**The evil form of Darth Sidious holds up his lightsaber yelling, "Force Face of Good.........MAKE-UP!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

-J